This evening I was finally able to make some headway into this lovely sea of depression I've been in for the past week. Amidst the tensions of recitals, mid-terms, presentations, jobs, co-op rejection letters, and a whole lot of things that just did not go according to plan, I have not been my normal self. With the help of Josh and an extended talk with Jordan this evening though, things are looking up -- not perfect, but definitely looking up. For whatever reason, every once-in-a-while, when the tough gets going, the first thing I stop doing is talking to people. Janessa, via Jordan, pointed out though that we really need to depend on people a lot more in the Christian family sense. I think it is very common for Christians, particularly within "my group," to just say nothing instead of saying something that is not 100% thought through yet. While thinking about things more than 0% is extremely important (definitely not something I do often enough), so much more is accomplished through the dialogue sessions that we all have when we aren't afraid to say we're scared, sad, frustrated, etc. I have been going on an honesty kick in these past few days where I am trying to cut out the white lies or errors of omission we all make for things to run a little smoother. I couldn't have known that this was the epiphany that I would be led to but I have to say I have learned a lot from it. This certainly has been quite an eye-opening past few days -- I'd encourage you to try this "truth" thing... It isn't easy, but my goodness do you every learn a lot about yourself and about others.
Anyhoo, props again to Jordan for offering advice to a teary-eyed burnt-out Heather and to all those who have been on the receiving end of some why-would-you-say-that truths, know that my prayers are with you.
4 Against you, and you alone, have I sinned;
I have done what is evil in your sight.
You will be proved right in what you say,
and your judgment against me is just.
5 For I was born a sinner—
yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.
6 But you desire honesty from the womb,
teaching me wisdom even there.
Ps. 51:4-6 (NLT)
God is it ever good to go to bed again with a sense of peace.
2 comments:
Wow, Heather, looks like God is wanting to bring the brokenness into your life that will make you the kind of Character He wants. Chip Brogden of Infinite Supply, (a fantastic devotional given everyday) has been talking about how we resist brokenness because 1) We don't like how it hurts 2)We really don't see it as a God-allowed thing (for our good, our brokenness of self) 3) We just plain think it is wrong,it can't surely be God's will for me, and 4) We can't picture the peaceable fruit of righteousness and the godly character that are the fruit of brokenness in us. Things that are negative always look like they are just plain wrong to us but often they are right and God knows it but we don't. Anyway all that to say that no matter how murky the water gets with all the stuff you are facing, there is a purpose and our only need is to try and get our minds into the right perspetive to appreciate the "view" from God's perspective. I don't know if this helps any but it is something that I have had to look at in my own experience recently too. Hang in there God is up to something!!!
Thanks a bunch Judy :) I really like that :)
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