Well Why Not...

I seem to be in a contemplative mood, so why not post?

Has it ever occurred to you that life is full of making the same mistakes over again just in slightly different variations? I think of my history with work, relationships, practicing and it all seems to be the same old same old when I find myself in that something-needs-to-change spot. As my friend would say (sarcastically of course), you fail at life. BAH. Sometimes I desire change so badly but I, like everyone, am reluctant to change.

Perhaps the notion that people never change is true: the selfish will always be selfish; the grumpy will always be grumpy; and the stupid will always be stupid. It seems quite counterproductive then that we are all trying to change ourselves then: changing how we eat, changing how we speak, changing what we do. If we aren't able to ever make drastic changes why bother working so hard at the small ones? I find this particularly interesting as I'm someone who believes I can actually change people around me (I know... danger). Whether it's brightening someone's day by making them smile or spending months encouraging them to be more self-confident, the concept of change is closely connected to my philosophy of living and yet I feel so incapable of producing the same sort of change in myself when I really need it. I'm ok at motivating myself out of a crappy mood most of the time, but when I really need to do it for myself, I fail. However, when the situation is changed to someone else being in a crummy mood and really needing out of it, I can usually succeed into improving the situation. Arg.

I'm sure this makes no sense to anyone else but me but it sure feels good to take out my frustrations on a keyboard instead of that tasty bag of Lays sitting across the room. I am off to load my cares onto my pillow. Oh how this viscious cycle sucks.